Wrestling with God

Genesis 32:24-31


So Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till daybreak.
When the man saw that he could not overpower him, he touched the socket of Jacob's hip so that his hip was wrenched as he wrestled with the man.
Then the man said, "Let me go, for it is daybreak."
But Jacob replied, "I will not let you go unless you bless me."

The man asked him, "What is your name?"
"Jacob," he answered.
Then the man said, "Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel, because you have struggled with God and with men and have overcome."
Jacob said, "Please tell me your name."
But he replied, "Why do you ask my name?" Then he blessed him there.
So Jacob called the place Peniel, saying, "It is because I saw God face to face, and yet my life was spared."
The sun rose above him as he passed Peniel, and he was limping because of his hip.

So about 2 weeks ago I had the privilege of getting to attend Reading Fam's worship leaders meeting. Was a brilliant time in which those of us who lead and those who would like to lead met up, chatted about why we do what we do, were challenged in areas but also was a great time of encouragement. Towards the end Liz said that she planned for that we should pray for one another individually and practice stepping out in terms of hearing for God. To be honest alarm bells went off in my head, as i've never thought of myself as a particularly  strong prayer (an area to improve in) but also that I had said i wanted to step out in prophecy so I knew that now was the time!

Anyway so we got individuals to stand in the middle and we gathered and prayed for them. Some amazing words came out and people seemed really stirred and encouraged. As it came for my turn, I wondered what it would be... God delights in my songwriting?... God will bless me with even greater skill  (HA! i make myself laugh) with my guitar? etc... no God intended to challenge me deeply -> that I should be striving to "wrestle with God", that I need to push myself to grow a spiritually broader shoulders were 2 that stood out and this is so that I might become the man God intends me to be. The idea of wrestling with God is a terrifying one but I take refuge and delight in the passage from Genesis. Not only did Jacob do it, but he was blessed because of it.

So I decided to accept what God is saying, let Him humble me and choose to delight in Him. It's quite clear that I've gotten myself into a mindset where I think that I read the bible enough, or that I spend enough time with Him (which clearly isn't true) and so I've probably gotten very relaxed in my ways. The way I would usually spend my free time at the moment during this holiday would be to play some fifa (or some other game of sort), browse various football sites, listen to music or watch a film. I've decided to put the hunt for new music (that seems to be a constant one) on a bit of a hold and choose to listen to podcasts/sermons on my way to work as well as trying to read more and focusing on songwriting. I'm attempting to wrestle and take delight in my Saviour in my spare time and hopefully I won't be limping afterwards like Jacob... hopefully....